


The one where they text

by B_atiful



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Domestic, Flug and demencia act like siblings, Flug is a bitch at demencia but a pussy towards black hat as all flugs should be, Flug occasionally uses spanish names for black hat, M/M, Mentions of Sex, My First Work in This Fandom, Technically flug POV, Texting, There are a lot of HYSTERICAL texting fics. This is not one of them., Trans Character, black hat is an old man who doesnt know how to use a phone, black hat is bi, black hat is nb, bottom flug???? They dont fuck but like he is canonically stated to be, cursing, demencia is a lesbian, demencia is trans, domestic as fuck, flug is MAYBE trans, flug is gay, i WILL HAVE an inconsistent updating schedule, i'll upload the like 3 first chapters at once lmao, id say its a slowburn but i have no self control lmao, idk if it will come up but flug is not a pussy and is evil bcuz not-evil flug is for vowards, like senior and sir will both show up, text fic, texting au, this is my first fanfiction in literally over half a yeaf sl good for me, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-05-18 21:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19343407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_atiful/pseuds/B_atiful
Summary: Demencia is a dumb bitch and ads her boss and her coworker to a groupchat because she has a death wish. Things spiral.Let it be known im writing this EXCLUSIVELY to get a feel for the characters. This wont be one of the funny ones. Because im not funny.





	1. Chapter 1

_(The xxx-xxx-xxxx is stand in for phone numbers)_

 

**2:43 pm**

 

**[AAA-AAA-AAAA has created a groupchat]**

 

**[AAA-AAA-AAA has added BBB-BBB-BBBB, and CCC-CCC-CCCC to the chat]**

 

**[AAA-AAA-AAAA has changed their username to Bad Bitch]**

 

CCC-CCC-CCCC: Demencia how do you have my phone number?

 

Bad Bitch: i stole your phone and copied it

 

CCC-CCC-CCCC: of course you did.

 

**[CCC-CCC-CCCC has left the chat]**

 

Bad Bitch: NOOOOOOOO

 

**[Bad Bitch has added CCC-CCC-CCCC to the chat]**

 

**[Bad Bitch has changed CCC-CCC-CCCC's username to plane crash]**

 

Bad bitch: :((((((((

 

plane crash: don't.

 

plane crash: also how do you know what my name means?????? 

 

Bad Bitch: oh i don't i just heard that one time you slammed an airplane into the mansion and thought it was hysterical 

 

Plane crash: great.

 

Plane crash: now stop texting me im working, if black hat knows im texting he'll kill me! Besides you are on a mission and shouldnt be texting either.

 

Bad bitch: all im doing is sitting around doin fuck all nothin waiting for some shitty hero to show up. Im BORED.

 

Plane crash: not my problem! Now get back to work!

 

Bad Bitch: :(((

 

Bad Bitch: :////

 

BBB-BBB-BBBB: what in all fucks name is this?

 

Bad Bitch: bonbon!!!!!!!!!!

 

BBB-BBB-BBBB: oh son of a bitch.

 

BBB-BBB-BBBB: what are you two imbeciles DOING? BOTH OF YOU HAVE INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT WORK TO BE DOING AND YOURE TEXTING? I HAVE HALF THE MIND TO COME OVER THERE AND RIP YOUR SPLEANS OUT OF YOUR ASSES!

 

Plane crash: jefecito! Im so sorry sir i had no idea you were here! I'll get back to work right away mr black hat sir! 

 

**[Bad Bitch changed BBB-BBB-BBBB's username to the sexiest man alive]**

 

The sexiest man alive: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! WAS THE SEXUAL HARRASMENT IN RE

 

The sexiest man alive: AL LIFE NOT ALREADY ENOUGH FOR YOU?

 

Bad bitch: ;)))

 

The sexiest man alive: I SWEAR ON ALL THINGS UNHOLY

 

The sexiest man alive: IM NOT EVEN A MAN NOR AM I ALIVE!

 

The sexiest man alive: SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO TURN CAPITAL LETTERS OFF

 

plane crash: just the arrow button on the side senior.

 

The sexiest man alive: there we go

 

The sexiest man alive: flug how the ever living shit do i change my name?

 

Plane crash: im pretty sure the only person who can change the names are the admin.

 

Plane crash: which is to say demencia.

 

The sexiest man alive: son of a bitch.

 

Bad bitch: >:3333c

 

Bad bitch: i guess you're stuck like this huh!

 

The sexiest man alive: dementia i swear the second you get back to this mansion....

 

Bad bitch: [a picture of the "they hated jesus because he spoke the truth" meme]

 

The sexiest man alive: id light your phone on fire but you're SUPPOSED to be on a stealth mission! Get back to it! Or i have half the mind to fire you the old fashioned way.

 

Plane crash: nice one, sir.

 

The sexiest man alive: you're also on thin fucking ice flug. Get your ass back to building whatever machine you're working on this instant!

 

Plane crash: yes jefecito !

 

**[Plane crash is now offline]**

 

Bad bitch: see you sir ;) ❤

 

> **[** **Bad bitch is now offline]**

**[The sexiest man alive is now offline]**

  
  
  
  


**4:17 AM**

 

**[Bad bitch has changed Plane crash's username to Dr. Flug]**

 

**[Bad Bitch has changed the sexiest man alive's username to Black Hat]**

 

**[Bad bitch has changed their username to Bitch]**

 

Bitch: thank me later jefecito.


	2. Chapter 2

**7:21 PM**

 

Bitch: flug

 

Bitch: flug

 

Bitch: flug

 

Bitch: flug

 

Bitch: flug

 

Bitch: @Dr. Flug

 

Bitch: @Dr. Flug

 

Bitch: @Dr. Flug

 

Dr. Flug: what

 

Bitch: hahhahaha!!!!!÷ caught u slackin!!!!! 🎩grrrr get back to work doctor!!!!!🎩

 

Dr. Flug: you are my most hated being on this planet. 

 

Bitch: awww but ur like my dad! U cant hate me :(

 

Dr. Flug: i am NOT!

 

Dr. Flug: you were a full grown woman when you came to this organization when i fucked up all your genes! Don't pretend!

 

Bitch: wow? "Fucked up all ur genes"? Kinky doc

 

Dr. Flug: absolutely not!!!!! No!!!!!

 

Dr. Flug: one - im gay so jot that down. Two - if i wasnt you wouldn't be my type

 

Bitch: hey is ur door unlocked?

 

Dr. Flug: not anymore!

 

Bitch: oh fun but yknow im already in. It takes you like 2 minutes to respond back to me

 

Dr. Flug: thats because im WORKING!!!! like you should be!!!! Now tell me where in black hats name are you hiding

 

Bitch: getting colder

 

Bitch: colder

 

Bitch: oh warmer

 

Bitch: oo lookin straight at me

 

Bitch: colder

 

Bitch: ice cold. Like an iceberg. Ur miles away.  Why is ur lab so big

 

Dr. Flug: so when something blows up hopefully not everything in the room will be fucked up. Also I have a lot of things.

 

Black Hat: where the fuck are you two? Don't you dumbasses usually eat at this time?

 

Dr. Flug: sorry sir! Demencia just happened to have wandered into my lab and i cant find her! My deepest Apologies sir! If you find me in my lab at this time i try to atleast keep working i was just distracted! Wont happen again sir! 

 

Bitch: whipped

 

Black hat: it better not.

 

Dr. Flug: oh hush!

 

Dr. Flug: not you sir! Sorry sir! And it won't! i promise on my life!

 

Black hat: oh on your life certainly.

 

Black hat: now one of you get. The fuck in my office and make this disgusting machine stop making noises at me.

 

Dr. Flug: you're probably just getting notifications from our messages, sir.

 

Dr. Flug: the thin line on the side should be the volume, just press on the bottom half of that.

 

**[Bitch changed Dr. Flugs username to Black Hats Bitch]**

 

Black hats bitch:  son of a-

 

Bitch: ;)))

 

Black Hat: issue has been resolved, now both of you get your asses into the kitchen! I cant have my idiotic associates starving to death on me! Atleast get a fucking sandwich or something.

 

Black hats bitch: -thank you sir.

 

Bitch:  awwww look at blacky!!!!! Almost like hes looking out for us ❤❤

 

Black hat: im going to rearrange every single organ in your body so that your heart beats behind your eyelids and your lungs sit in your ass.

 

Black hats bitch: right sir sorry sir!

 

**[Black Hats bitch is offline]**

**[Bitch is offline]**

**[Black hat is offline]**


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flug takes an L

**3:02**

 

Black hats bitch: have you taken care of the issue sir?

 

Black Hat: more or less.

 

Black hats bitch: Alright, if you need any help in the future dont hesitate to call!

 

Black hat: i don't intend on having an issue like this in the future doctor, but i will keep in you in mind if it comes up again.

 

Bitch: ohhh whats this about? ;)

 

Black hats bitch: what are you winky face emoji-ing at

 

Bitch: o, yknow ;)

 

Black hats bitch: no, i dont

 

Dementia: what i just Thot. Yknow ;)))))

 

Black hats bitch: ????????

 

Black hats bitch: OH

 

black hats bitch: what the fufk!!!!!÷÷ no!!!!!!!

 

Bitch: oh? owo? What?

 

Black hats bitch: dont owo at me you _harlot!_

 

Bitch: what? All im saying is some of the things u said r. Yknow. Winky emoji worthy ;)))

 

Black hats bitch: i fixed his PHONE!!!!!

 

Black hat: dementia, i hope you are not implying what i think you are implying.

 

Bitch: oh i only joke! Dw! I know the only person youd think of doing that with is right here ;)))❤❤❤

 

Black hat: how the fuck do i leave this text group.

 

Black hat: doctor tell me right now

 

Black hat: i intend on leaving this disgusting pit of sin and then wripping demencias head off of her disgusting slutty shoulders.

 

Bitch: flug tell him and i post picture of what i found in your room last week to my instagram

 

Black hats bitch: please dont do this to me demencia y'know i can't say no to him!!!!!

 

Black hats bitch: demencia pls he'll kill me

 

Bitch: oh alright, well if you really want people to find out about your.

 

Bitch: yknow

 

Black hats bitch: oh come on!!!!!!

 

Black hat: oh everyone already knows about your fucking dildo drawer flug who gives a shit i cant take talking to this whore for a moment longer

 

Black hats bitch: _**ODBDKDHSKDBEOEBWOABOSHDOSHDOSHXIDHSOSJSOSJJSJDJDODJDOSJKS**_

 

bitch: SKSKSKSKSKSKKSKSKSKSJSKDJKSJSKDJSKDJSLJDOSJSKSKSJ

 

Bitch: KDHSKSSJJSJSKSJSJSJSJ _HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA_

 

bitch: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT BUT THATS EVEN BETTER

 

Black Hats Bitch: WHYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

Black Hats Bitch: COME ONNNNNN N

 

Black Hats bitch:  SON OF A BITCCHHHHH

 

Bitch: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

 

Black Hat: you are all so melodramtic

 

Black Hat: and that's my thing so step the fuck off

 

Black Hat: but it is deeply amusing.

 

**[Bitch changed Black Hats Bitch's username to dildo drawer]**

 

dildo drawer: DKDJDJJDJD

 

**[dildo drawer has left the chat]**

 

Bitch: HOLT SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT I CANT BREATHE

 

Bitch: IM GONNA PISS

Bitch: THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME

 

Bitch: OH FUCK

 

**[Bitch added dildo drawer to the group chat]**

 

**[Bitch changed dildo drawer's username to Dr. Flug]**

 

**[Bitch changed their username to The Worst Fucking person]**

 

The worst fucking person: dead to me

 

The worst fucking person: dead to me Dead to me all of you dead to me.

 

The worst fucking person: im never coming back. This is the final straw. Im done. Too much! My limit has been reached!

 

Black hat: and where the fuck do you think you're going flug

 

The worst fucking person: i dont know! To wallow in my shame! My reputation will never recover! And to break dementias phone!

 

the worst fucking person: I GOT OT BACK

 

the worst fucking person: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

 

The worst fucking person: I HAVE TO FIND IT

 

dr. Flug: NO YOU DO NOT

 

**[the worst fucking person is now offline]**

 

**[Dr. Flug is now offline]**

 

Black hats: idiots.

 

**[Black hat is now offline]**

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where dem is trans and black hat is old   
> and theyre BOTH feral.

 

**11:22PM**

 

 

Dr flug: [14 seperate images of 5.0.5]

 

Dr flug: 💙💙💙💙💙

 

 

The worst fucking person: awwwwwww

 

 

**[The worst fucking person changed their username to Lizard rights]**

 

 

lizard rights: trans rights

 

 

Dr flug: nice.

 

 

Dr flug: which reminds me come get your estrogen.

 

 

Dr flug: you cant run away forever demencia

 

 

Lizard rights: :((((

 

 

Lizard rights: eat dirt.

 

 

Dr flug: thats your job next question

 

 

Lizard rights: damn i really be out here saying trans rights and you say jamming a giant fucking needle into my leg rights

 

 

Dr flug: its not a big needle!

 

 

Dr flug: its no bigger than my other needles

 

 

Lizard rights: its like 3/4th a foot long!!!! Fuck u!!!

 

Lizard rights: and if it were just estrogen i'd allowed it but you always do like 4 different needles

 

 

Dr flug: your DNA is INCREDIBLY unstable and once a week i need to use balancers to make sure you dont die! 

 

 

Dr flug: demencia ur like our only muscle u cant die on us

 

 

Lizard rights: i do what i want ur not my dad.

 

 

Dr flug: Christ.

 

 

Black hat: flug if i check my device and see a thousand pictures of your failed excuse for a lab rat again i will personally make sure there is no bear to take pictures of.

 

 

Dr flug: sorry sir!

 

 

Dr flug: i just take a lot of pictures of him and - my phone is starting to run out of space, and i thot if i tossed them up here it would be easy to find them again so i could clear my gallery up to make room y'know!

 

 

Black hat: i can't even IMAGINE what could possibly take up space on your phone. You _shouldn't_ have anything beyond the built in apps that you disgustingly infuratingly aren't able to delete without breaking its functions and the black hat INC app.

 

 

Lizard rights: we have an app?

 

 

Dr flug: do you even try to listen at the meetings?

 

 

Lizard rights: we have MEETINGS?

 

 

dr flug: lord.

 

 

Dr flug: and well, sir, there are a lot of things one needs, for example i have almost every popular social app so that i can properly advertise our organization.

 

 

Dr flug: and more general personal things, like all of my personal work sheets and files i keep copies of, downloaded music, a few simple picture, video, and audio editors, a podcast app, and one or two games to pass my time when i have nothing to work on and my depression infused insomnia hits me like a wet bag of mice.

 

 

Lizard rights: a bag of _what?_

 

 

Dr flug: but like, i do understand you not getting it sir. I mean you are like. Y'know.

 

 

Black hat: im like what, doctor?

 

 

Dr flug: well its just i mean- smart phones are a relatively new device and you're not really well- you know.

 

 

Lizard rights: you're an old man.

 

 

Black hat: i am NOT old! I am ETERNAL! i am an immortal beast who could kill you an instant! I have no concept of the word old!

 

 

Lizard rights: L

 

 

Dr flug: of cours not sir!!! I only simply meant that - considering how long you have been driving fear into the hearts of humans you - have a bit of an immortal lag.

 

 

Dr flug: youre just so smart and teaming with ancient knowledge that learning knew facts of the world - especially something as recent as technology takes you a second! Its perfectly normal sir!

 

 

Black hat: you wish to tell me what is normal flug?

 

 

Black hat: there is not a single bone or lackthereof in my body that is normal.

 

 

Black hat: i am an endless twisting mystery barely edging into the fabric of your reality, even a single more fraction my true form drives even the most steadfast of man to madness, i am what you choose to call "eldritch," near "lovecraftian." The old racist had a decent hold on things but even his understanding was shrouded.

 

 

I am nothing you could ever even think of as normal, even to consider it fills my body with a white hot rage.

 

 

Dr flug: sir you shut the power off again

 

 

Black hat: FUCK

 

 

**[Black hat is offline]**

**[Dr flug is offline]**

**[Lizard rights is offline]**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the one where halfway through i remembered flug has a superiority thing about his intelligence

**4:23 AM**

 

Lizard rights: [a photo of flug, clearly a selfie, hes standing infront of a mirror holding up a camera(an actual camera) with a small black hat logo on it, hes got his other hand up in a casual peace sign, and the expressive goggles seemed posed in a way that he has his eyes shut in a cute smiley face thing. Layed over this image is "*SNAP* THIS ONES GOING IN MY CRINGE COMPILATION"]

 

Dr flug: there are so many things to say here

 

Dr flug: first off. Its 4 AM.

 

Dr flug: second off i have you blocked on all my personal social medias so i have NO clue where you got that!

 

Dr flug: third im pretty sure that memes not even relevant anymore

 

Dr flug: i beg of you go to bed.

 

Lizard rights: no u bitch 

 

Dr flug: demencia im _working_.  Im being productive! I have so many things I need to have finished by the end of the week i will not!

 

Dr flug: _you_ on the other hand are the muscle. You need to be sharp and ready by morning!

 

Lizard rights: not my fault ypu infused me with some nocternal lizard or smth 

 

Dr flug: i CERTAINLY did not!

 

Dr flug: probably!

 

Dr flug: maybe!

 

Dr flug: okay full honesty i dont remember half the stuff in you i kind of just tossed random DNA into a big bin because i didn't think you were gonna live.

 

Lizard rights: wow ok r00d

 

Dr flug: i should hope so! Im evil!

 

Lizard rights: HA!

 

Dr flug: i am!!!!! Ive killed people!!!!! I've got like 30 people i just fuck around and experiment on! Real people with real families! I have NO MORALS

 

Lizard rights: last week you cried because 505 dropped his icecream.

 

Dr flug: no! I cried because _he_ was crying, and then when i start crying he starts crying harder and then I start crying harder and it progressively gets worse until you or black hat shove one of us out of the room.

 

Lizard rights: suuurreee big guy, im sure that was it.

 

Lizard rights: but also thays also not good or manly idk what u hope to accomplish here.

 

Dr flug: fuck you.

 

Lizard rights: ;p

 

Dr flug: oh that reminds me, if were talking embarrassing things remember the time you did :p in real life and got your giant lizard tongue stuck to the metal on the outside of the manor and it took 2 hours to unstick you because your wouldn't stop crying? 

 

Lizard rights: ONE TIME! OKAY!

 

Lizard rights: ONE TIME!!!!

 

dr flug: what was it you said? Ah yes.  suuurreee big gal.

 

Lizard hat: whatever you forgot to block of the entrance to your bedrooms ventilation anyway

 

Dr flug: oh my god what does that mean.

 

Dr flug: demencia

 

Dr flug: demencia answer me 

 

Dr flug: demencia get out of the fucking vents you imbecile

 

Dr flug: demencia you know how loud i scream when you startle me! 

 

Lizard rights: oh and im counting on it!

 

Dr flug: im gonna wake up black hat! You know how light of a sleeper he is! If he- well i mean if he sleeps i assume he does. Does he sleep?

 

Lizard rights: no he just kind of Sanders the mansion for hours. He only yells at us when we're loud because he feels like it.

 

Dr flug: that son of a...

 

Lizard rights: whatevs. Even if he does yell at us its just an added bonus! Mmm y'know how good his voice sounds when it gets all loud and snarly. Ugh!

 

Dr flug: do you have an off switch woman?

 

Dr flug: or alternatively; a single fucking braincell?

 

Lizard rights: probably who knows. 

 

Lizard rights: also dont look to your left. 

 

Dr flug: oh Christ.

  
  
  


**5:02AM**

 

Dr flug: still think his voice is sexy when he screams at us?

 

Lizard rights: a lil bit. It was mostly that bit where my skin burned off before getting regrown that sucked.

 

Dr flug: god you are stupid.

 

**[Dr flug is offline]**

**[Lizard rights is offline]**

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black hat secretly doing very non evil things is my kink. Also this is like the third one in the fuxking middle of the night because theyre so stupid with sleep schedules

 

 

**3:34AM**

 

 

 

Lizard rights: flug

 

 

 

Lizard rights: flug answer me ik ur sleeping schedule u only sleep for like an hour and its only 3 once every like 2 weeks

 

 

 

Dr flug: Mm?

 

 

 

Lizard rights: [a slightly unfocussed picture, taken from a higher almost ariel view of what looks like a very nice looking kitchen. Very uncentered, almost obscured by a random black blob on the side of the screen, is a tall grey skinned man in a top hat, a red dress shirt, and grey vest. He appears to be looking over a few pots and pans ontop of a few dark ovens and stove tops.]

 

 

 

Dr flug: jefecito _cooks?_

 

 

 

Dr flug: i mean, its not entirely surprising, he has been around for a very long time, and i had presumed he'd picked up some hobbies, i just assumed most of those hobbies were interesting ways to kill, torture, drown, eviscerate, and maim.

 

 

 

Lizard rights: oh he is cooking.

 

 

 

Lizard rights: i was more focussed on the fact his jacket was off and how hot he looked with out it.

 

 

 

Dr flug: you are just horny on main aren't you?

 

 

 

Lizard rights: maybe so

 

 

 

Lizard rights: but yeah no wtf

 

 

 

Lizard rights: hang on lemme sneak back in what the fuck is he cooking.

 

 

 

Dr flug:  dont get killed, tortured, drowned, eviscerated, or maimed.

 

 

 

Lizard rights: no promises.

 

 

 

Lizard rights: [i slightly more in focus picture, clearly cropped by the odd tall shape of the photo, zoomed in to one of the pans. what appears to be an expensive looking fish grilling in a pan drenched in an oil that appears to be filled with many leaf things and spices. Off to the side, mostly cropped out also appears to be a few more pans holding what looks like other kinds of meat, and a pot filled with some kind of broth.]

 

 

 

Lizard rights: not a human hand in sight! Not even a leg! No eyes or anything!!!!!!

 

 

 

Dr flug: curious.

 

 

 

Dr flug: i expected if he was cooking it would be particularily evil.

 

 

 

Dr flug: maybe its poisoned?

 

 

 

Lizard rights: i hope not because i am already planning on stealing half of it if he leaves the room

 

 

 

Lizard rights: flug you have no clue how nice it smells

 

 

 

Lizard rights: but yknow

 

 

 

Dr flug: please dont say it

 

 

 

Lizard rights: nothing ever smells as nice as black hat

 

 

 

Dr flug: he smells like acid and rotting flesh

 

 

 

Lizard rights: I know right!

 

 

 

Lizard rights: oh shit oh shit oheaiurhdhsith idhdj

 

 

 

Dr flug: ??

 

 

 

Dr flug: ??????

 

 

 

Dr flug: demencia???

 

 

 

Dr flug: demencia whats happening?? text back!

 

 

 

Lizard rights: BROOO

 

 

 

Lizard rights: _BROOOOO_

 

 

 

lizard right: IM DEAD MAN

 

 

 

Black hat: can i have ANY fucking privacy in this hell forsaken house?

 

 

 

Black hat: can i have a fucking hour to myself before you bafoons barge into my secret rooms and demand my attention?

 

 

 

Black hat: is it too much to ask of you cock sucking pieces of shit that demencia doesn't scamper around in the vents like a feral animal and break into my kitchen while im preparing myself a nice meal? Is it too much? Are your tiny little brains unable to handle that?

 

 

 

Dr flug: im sorry sir!!

 

 

 

Lizard rights: im gonna shit my pants

 

 

 

Dr flug: really im sure she didn't mean to intrude! We were just curious.

 

 

 

Dr flug: you just dont seem like a person who cooks.

 

 

 

Dr flug: or eats for that matter.

 

 

 

Black hat: what i do in my personal time is none of your buisiness, _flug._

 

 

 

Lizard rights: oh come on bonbon!!! We're sos so o so curious!!!!

 

 

 

Lizard rights: is it for someone? Are you holding a secret hero banquet where you're going to POISON everyone there in a giant MASSACRE?????

 

 

 

Black hat: no.

 

 

 

Black hat: I've already done that. 

 

 

 

Lizard rights: i literally cant think of anothr reason u'd be cooking then

 

 

 

Dr flug: I have theories but ik if i state any of them i'll be killed so i wont.

 

 

 

Black hat: the only smart move you've ever made, doctor.

 

 

 

Dr flug: thank you, sir.

 

 

 

Black hat: dont.

 

 

 

Dr flug: sorry, sir.

 

 

 

lizard rights: wAitwaitwaitwait!!!÷ i have another question

 

 

 

Black hat: think carefully on your next words.

 

 

 

Dr flug: you know she wont.

 

 

 

Lizard rights: can i haaavvvvvve some?

 

 

 

Black hat: thats exactly why i said think carefully. If you even fucking think of touching a single morcil of my feast i'll personally make sure youre the next thing i fry!

 

 

 

Lizard rights: :((((

 

 

 

Dr flug: sorry Dem.

 

 

 

Lizard rights: _:((((((((((_

 

 

 

Black hat: i dont have empathy, fool, your useless characters aligned in a cruel depiction of a frowning face have no effect over me.

 

 

 

Lizard rights: u either let me have some or im going to make fun of u for doing something thats literally nothing but domestic until the end of time.

 

 

 

Dr flug: oh christ-

 

 

 

Black hat: how... DARE YOU

 

 

 

Black hat: TO EVEN INSINUATE THE ACT OF MAKING MYSELF AND ONLY MYSELF FOOD IS SOMEHOW 'DOMESTIC?'

 

 

 

black hat: I HAVE INTENTIONALLY ACQUIRED THE MOST EXPENSIVE OF MEALS, ROBBING THOSE WHO ARE UNABLE TO AFFORD IT OF THE BASIC LUXERY OF HUMAN NECESSITIES.

 

 

 

Lizard rights: wow #woke.

 

 

 

Black hat: I HAVE TO BE! TO TRULY COMMIT SIN YOU MUST BE AWARE OF IT! IT MUST BE A CONSIOUS DECISION TO RING EVIL INTO THE WORLD,

 

 

 

Dr flug: this is kind of getting hard to read.

 

 

 

Black hat: OH I SHOULD HOPE SO FLUG! I HOPE TO INSTILL THE MOST PAIN I CAN THROUGH THIS WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR COMMUNICATION 

 

 

 

Lizard rights: black hat be like bad at texting

 

 

 

Lizard rights: dont worry. Still love u tho ;)))

 

 

 

Black hat: idiots. I am surrounded by idiots.

 

 

 

Lizard right: okay but PLEAAASEEE

 

 

 

Lizard rights: it'll be like a dinner date!!!!!!

 

 

 

Dr flug: demencia i _really wouldn't push it_

 

 

 

Lizard rights: im not above begging

 

 

 

Lizard rights: _pwease mistew bwack hat siw? ówò_

 

 

 

Black hat: horrible. Horrible dont ever say that to me again. If you promise on your living existence on this earth to never fucking do that again i will let you eat.

 

 

 

Lizard rights: YESSSSSSS

 

 

 

lizard rights: YESYESYESYES

 

 

 

Black hat: insufferable.

 

 

 

Dr flug: can um

 

 

 

Dr flug: uh

 

 

 

Lizard rights: FLUG SHUSH IM TOO BUSY BEING HAPPY AND CLIMBING ON THE WALLS TO MAKE FUN OF YOU FOR STUTTERING VIA TEXT

 

 

 

Dr flug: its for effect!

 

 

 

Dr flug: can i uh. Can i have some too, boss?

 

 

 

Black hat: its like its your life purpose to fuck with me

 

 

 

Black hat: fine!

 

 

 

Dr flug: thank you jefecito!

 

[Lizarf rights is offline]

**Black hat is offline]**

**[Dr flug is offline]**


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Havent updated this in a bit lmao.
> 
> All of black hats texts are monologues bcuz thats all ik how to write for him im so sorry pensive.

**4:00 PM**

 

[Lizard Rights has changed their Username to bad bitch]

 

[Bad bitch has changed dr flugs username to Bag bitch]

 

[Bad bitch has changed black hats username to Mad Bitch]

 

Bag Bitch: because thats not going to get confusing. Thanks

 

Bad bitch: no prob boo ;)!

 

Bag bitch: blegh.

 

Bad bitch: you talk to the boss about the thing yet????

 

Bag bitch: i

 

Bag bitch: may have been putting it off

 

 

Bad bitch: pussy.

 

Bag bitch: yes exactly, i know! Thats what im trying to get rid of!

 

Bad bitch: oh you know EXACTLY what i fucking meant u just wanted to make that joke.

 

Bag bitch: Oh, dementia how you doubt my intelligence. I formulated my first text to you purely so you would say 'pussy' at me. Whos the fool now?

 

Bad bitch: you spelt my name wrong

 

Bag bitch: h

 

Bad bitch: seriously tho nerdass, @ the hotty so u can ask for ur raise 

 

Bag bitch: don't!!! Phrase it like that!!!!!

 

[Bad bitch Deleted their message]

 

Bad bitch: ;))

 

Bag bitch: dumbass.

 

Bag bitch: @Mad Bitch sir? I was wondering if i could talk to you about something important?

 

Mad bitch: any paticular reason you're choosing to contact me over this infernal device rather than in my office like a fucking human being?

 

Bag bitch: i am at a considerable lower risk of having my skin turned inside out when im not in the same room as you

 

Mad Bitch: is that so?

 

Bag Bitch: LESSON HAS BEEN LEARNED SIR IM SO SORRY FOR QUESTIONING YOUR AUTHORITY AND POWER!

 

Bag Bitch: truly jefe! Will not happen again!

 

Bad Bitch: and i oop

 

Mad Bitch: as it should be. now what in fucks name do you want?

 

Bag Bitch: well um,

 

Bag Bitch: I was wondering, considering what i would consider a substantial uptick in my production quality the past few weeks, and what i would personally consider a very important medical assistance procedure, i was wonderful if i could acquire i small grant to pay for a personal body enhancing surgery. Benefits of this surgery would include a considerable lowering of the amount I run out of breathe when doing activities such as running, walking, talking, or just like going up stairs sometimes, as well as other strenuous physical activity. as well as an uptick in emotional well being that would incredibly further my motiviation and production speed and quality. I have already saved up a substantial amount of the funds for this procedure on my own, but crunching the numbers i have found that it will take me either one and a half years to acquire the funds to fund said procedure, or 5 months assuming I just dont eat.

 

Mad Bitch: im not reading all of that, demencia give me a summary

 

Bad Bitch: dumbass double binds and it fucky ups his lungs and makes running and fighting hard so he wants some money to get titty-begone-surgery. also it will make him happy.

 

Mad Bitch: Excuse what does he want? A surgery?

 

Bag Bitch: Demencia i was really hoping we could keep exactly what it was _under the table!_

 

Bag Bitch: _in the closet if you will!_

 

Bad Bitch: whys he gonna give a fuckin shit? He already knows IM trans and if he gave a shit he'd have skinned me alive about it already! YOU have done all my transition surgery with BH funds its on the records he fuckin knows.

 

Bag Bitch: still! Isnt it like LGBT rule number one dont out your fuckin dudes?

 

Bad Bitch: y'knos i have no morals i dont give a shit man

 

Bad Bitch: im just out here to eat garbage, fuck my boss, and eat some dudes skin!

 

Bad Bitch: oh i know!!!! If he says no i can just eat ur tits off!!!!

 

Bag Bitch: please do not.

 

Mad Bitch: Hang on, genuinely, what the hell are either of you buggers talking about?

 

Bag bitch: I'm trans, Jefecito.

 

Mad Bitch: you just said a fucking word at me doctor. That means nothing.

 

Bag Bitch: Trans? Like Transgender? I know you know what transgender means?

 

Mad Bitch: oh. Of course. I recognize the term in full, just some nonsense I've seen attached to political documents and more of those _human rights_ things. Really, White supremacy was the most delightfully evil things man kind came up with, a damn shame you fools have learned to stand up for yourselves.

 

Bag Bitch: man, huh. 

 

Bad Bitch: yowza. 

 

Mad Bitch: dont act so fuckin surprised, i myself couldn't give a single damn either way, black? White? Straight? Gay? You're all bloody maggots beneath my feet, i just enjoy the simple ways man has formed its own evils. Have i ever told you about capitalism?

 

Bag Bitch: many times sir,  can we get back to my request?

 

Mad Bitch: what is it that you want again?

 

Bag Bitch: Top Surgery. i was born in a woman's body and still have some of the nasty leftovers from it, i usually wear a compression device that kind of just presses my chest against my own lungs making living kind of shitty. Also i do it like i do most things - unhealthily and with little regard for my life. I want surgery to get my breasts off of me.

 

Bag Bitch: think about that time demencia went into my office, and came out a day later with tits, but the opposite. 

 

Mad Bitch: so be it, perhaps you'll make a funner Chase when you don't run out of breath after going for 74 seconds. You know what makes the best hunt?

 

Bad Bitch: MAN! 

 

bag bitch: wait demencia you remember that story? You dont even remember the hungry hungry catapillar why is THAT The literature you brought with you?

 

Bad Bitch: what story? I just like murdering people!  

 

Mad Bitch: the best hunt certainly isnt a little twink who runs straight through a hallway before locking himself in a random room and almost passing out from exhaustion! 

 

Bag Bitch: _you know twink but you don't know what trans people are?_

 

Mad Bitch: oh know im full aware. I was just hoping that if i played dumb i'd make you uncomfortable forcing you to explain your identity to me! You gays are so easy to get a rise out of! Always so awkward trying to explain your entire radically different identity to bafoons who wouldn't know their left from right! But saddly you didn't catch my bait. Oh i know! Flug! Perhaps if i point out enough of your features that make you look feminine i can make you cry! Oh a delight that would be!

 

Mad Bitch: but yes, im aware. I was around in the 70s young man!

 

Bag Bitch: im going to selectively move not to think about what you did in gay bars.

 

Bag Bitch: so do I- do i get the funds?

 

Mad bitch: yes yes, do with them what you will.

 

Bad Bitch: hell yeah!!!!

 

Bag Bitch: thank you so much sir! Thank you! Truly! I wouldn't survive without your incredibly evil dark and threatening presence in your life!

 

Bad bitch: why are you grovelling doesnt he hate it

 

Bag bitch: I feel like if i dont he'll kill me, but if i do he'll also probably kill me so like lose lose either way and atleast im polite this way.

 

Bad bitch: "polite"

 

Mad bitch: "polite"

 

Bag Bitch: alright now im getting mocked by my boss.

 

 

 

 

Bag Bitch: demencia stay out of my office today im doing explosive testing, and an evil day senior!

 

**[Bag Bitch is offline]**

 

**[Bad Bitch is offline]**

 

**[Mad Bitch is Offline]**


End file.
